I had a bit of a tussle as to where this post should go. It fits in more with my Let’s Brunch blog, yet sometimes I feel there isn’t much to take away from Pawpaw & Mango, since all that happens is I press play and you sit down and watch what’s behind the scenes in my household.
I love to garner lessons from experiences, it’s probably the one constant in my everyday life. Each night as I lie down to sleep I replay the day’s events. Throughout the day I would have come across lessons, selected some and tossed them into a basket to attend to later. Occasionally though I pick up a lesson that slows me to a stop, I bring out my phone or journal- depending on my proximity to either- and quickly make a note of the profound lesson. My family and friends are then left bear the brunt of that pause, for I don’t stop talking about it. I press it into them the way you’d press flower petals into your skin to transfer its colour- organic tattoos people? Last year, however, I reached an understanding of the Tao saying; when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. We are constantly at different stages of readiness for various lessons. It is pointless teaching a 16-year-old on the cusp of her youth about the challenges of motherhood. She isn’t quite there yet. Hopefully.
I’ll pause to share what I’m listening to as I type this- Anita Baker is my favourite singer and that is another thing about me that is yet to change- My favourite song is Priceless. It has been from the days when my music collection was all of three albums on tape. The album, Giving you the Best that I got has seen me through the best and worst times. Rapture, is another favourite. Rapture is the one song that convinces me I’m a great singer, all others- not so much lol!!
Back to my thoughts. A lesson I learned recently is this: People Change.
I got confirmation of this when I spoke to my precious dad about the Nigerian elections, he said Buhari had been a dictator and all, but people change. He happened to say those words at the exact time I was coming to the realisation that people indeed change., plus of course with his wisdom, when my dad speaks, you listen!
When I was about to get married, my mechanic gave me a piece of advice. He said don’t discuss your marital problems with people because when you’ve moved on from the problem, other people don’t move on from where they last saw you. Of course, I froze at the word ‘problems’. I hadn’t said ‘I do’ yet and considered backing off, I don’t like problems. His words ring true in every facet of life. Have you defined yourself with words that are no longer the case, but people still see you in that light- not because they stubbornly refuse to move on, but because they believed you the first time you said it? Now I’m learning that perhaps it is better to be defined by your actions than your words because words carry on ringing true even when the actions are silenced.
Then again, I may be wrong. I have a friend who has displayed some unsavoury behaviour in the past. I had the opportunity to have some one on one time with her recently and dare I say, she has changed. I think. I did, however, approach her with that ominous feeling, barricading my emotions and going ahead to ensure any acidic words will not hit their target. You know how the CIA sweep an area for weeks prior to the President arriving? Yes, I sweep my immediate space before I meet with certain people and set up bomb deterrents just in case.
That said, I am enjoying the new me. I don’t know if it’s because I’m now in my forties or not but this decade is already proving to be my best one yet- so if you’re not there yet, never fear it’ll be awesome!
My friend suggested to me a while back to combine all my blogs- I have three- and write from one platform. I snickered as I thought about how clueless she was. I was dogmatic about keeping my multiple personalities away from each other, just in case they didn’t get along. To my surprise, it is already happening. As you know (like I have regular readers) last year was all about authenticity. Now I have swallowed the pill marked with the words, ‘not everyone will dig you’. And that’s fine. I find myself moving slowly towards a new season where I’m getting more comfortable with merging the three blogs. For starters, I won’t have that confused stare when I meet people who say; ‘Toks, great to meet you, I love your blog!’ My response is always, ‘Nice!!! Thank you so much for reading, err, which blog?’
On that note, please visit my other blog, LetsBrunch.co.uk. It’s an inspirational space that leans more towards Christian values but you don’t have to be a Christian to enjoy it. Blog number 3, well that’s a different matter entirely. I’ll share that in due course.
Perhaps I should have titled this post Never say Never, but I don’t think those words ever made the cut of best opening lines of a rap song.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read, go away and come back to read again. I cherish every comment- offline and online and literally get goosebumps when I get a thumbs up for my posts. And that isn’t just my ego speaking.
Enjoy Ms Baker’s ‘Priceless‘ with me and have a fantastic weekend!